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We live in a society that veers to the insane in terms of the stress we create for ourselves, the pace at which we live, and the relationships we neglect. We live in one of the most affluent communities, not just in the world today, but ever for humankind. Yet, rather than feeling comfortable, secure, happy and connected, many people feel anxious, dissatisfied, constantly irritable, or pervasively depressed.
How can one counter the overwhelming, all-encompassing messages we are receiving throughout society to do more, have more, want more? To do so requires that we begin to explore what truly makes us joyful, and then prioritize those activities, relationships or values. It can also help to explore the emotions that keep us tied to activities which feel “insane.” Frequently, we are driven by fear: fear that while the job is currently paying the bills, it may not always; fear that if our children don’t play two sports a season, they will somehow be lacking later in life. While it is a natural human condition to have concern about the future, fear has a way of invading one’s psyche without being directly acknowledged, and it manifests broadly as irritation and vague but persistent anxiety.
Our society also teaches us to look outside ourselves for satisfaction. We feel something is lacking in our lives, and we try to fill it with more activity, food, alcohol, possessions. At best, these efforts leave us empty, continuing to feel lack; at the worst, they destructively compound our problems. I see moving toward “joy” and “sanity” as the goal, rather than happiness or success. For me, “moving toward sanity” means moving toward living a life congruent with one’s values and true desires; “joy” represents the ability to feel one’s emotions deeply and to be in touch with one’s true self. A sane and joyful life does not mean a life free from sorrow or mistakes, as we are human, and sorrow and errors are part of our path. However, a sane and joyful life is a life fully lived, connected to our true selves.
Sanity and joy require experiencing life, rather than accumulating accomplishments and possessions. This is not to say that it does not feel good to accomplish something one has planned for and executed. But at what expense? If the planning and executing are kept in balance with our other needs (sleep, for example, or relationships), the achievement is congruent with our lives and values. When everything else is sacrificed for a goal, the happiness is so fleeting it barely feels worth it.
Both sanity and joy require the ability to stay in the present. To stay in the present, one must be able to limit compulsive thinking and worrying about the past and future, and to limit the compulsive behaviors that enable one to run from feelings. I fully understand that this is much, much easier said than done. Mindfulness does not seem to come naturally to adult humans; our “fight or flight” response is frequently highly activated, or the “planning zone” of our brains is in overdrive. Yet a simple focus on the breath and the present moment can dramatically reduce our stress and add a degree of calm to our day.
Mindfulness meditation is an ancient spiritual practice, which has, within the last few years, been scientifically demonstrated to reduce stress, improve mood, lower one’s blood pressure and have numerous other psychological and physical benefits. While a regular meditation practice can be very difficult to implement, the process of consciously focusing on the breath for a few minutes a day can be relatively effortless and highly effective in reducing one’s overall stress levels. Sometimes, when faced with overwhelming problems in one’s life, it can feel useless to take the time to stay present or breathe. Yet, focusing on slow, calming breaths actually activates the parasympathetic nervous system (involved with rest), modulates emotional reactivity, and helps one to think more clearly.
Take a moment the next time a cardinal flies to the tree in front of your window, a child runs to greet you, or a friend’s face lights up when they see you: breathe in the simple joy; allow the moment to have importance in your life.
This article was published in the New Canaan News-Review on February 7, 2008 and in the Darien News-Review on February 14, 2008.
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